Holiday Self-Care v2.0
We are knee-deep in the holiday season now!
As we inch closer to 2024, (goodbye, 2023!) many of us are making time to spend with friends, family, and loved ones across the board. The keyword here is many -- not ALL. For some of our LGBTQ+ community, holidays are a bit of a mixed bag.
At times, the relationships we have with our families can be somewhat complicated. This can sometimes bring up strong, conflicting feelings right to the surface. These are the folks that helped create the buttons they are pushing!
So like everything else, our family experiences can run the gamut. Everything from super accepting to quite frankly, super toxic. Some of us may not be out. Some of us can’t be out. Navigating through the holiday season for LGBTQ+ folks can feel like having a spotlight present; it brings a bright focus on feelings of disconnection, isolation, and being alone.
Here are a few things to think about before your emotional battery gets to 0%:
Reach Out and Connect
I know this is easier to say than to put into action, but
the need for connection is a core component of being human.
It can sometimes feel like we are all alone, with feelings of depression, anxiety, and financial stress coming out in full force this time of year.
Identify some folks that you might feel willing to build connections with.
This might mean a quick text to someone, or a voice message. It might be asking someone how they are doing this week. It could also mean sharing your feelings with someone you trust. (Scary, I know!)
Challenge yourself to not answer for other people.
“She won’t want to hang out with me, so why bother asking?” This is like an old story loop many of us hear. Tt feels vulnerable to reach out to connect. Fear of being rejected or ignored is powerful; in some ways, that fear is protecting you from feeling pain. But it’s also keeping you from experiencing some great stuff, too!
Experiment with language.
Sometimes it can be hard to voice to others feelings of loneliness. But, experimenting with language can address some of those feelings. Experimenting can be defined as: “I don’t know what will happen, but let’s find out!"
Using phrases like, “ I'm still not sure what I am doing for the holidays. What are your plans?” could begin to open up curiosity about people in your life. This could then start a conversation about what you might need.
People in your life care! (refer back to the not answering for others blurb above!)
Recharge the Battery (self-care v2.0)
A helpful analogy arises if we can think about ourselves for a moment like one of our most used gadgets: our smartphones.
Some folks never let their phone battery dip below 50%.
For some, it shuts off during a call because we weren’t paying attention to the red on the battery icon. Some folks get through the day without needing to recharge it.
Now, let’s imagine the battery icon indicates your emotional energy. What happens when your battery dips below 50%? What about 10%? When I talk with folks about self-care what we are really talking about is RECHARGING.
Relaxation is great! Binging Nexflix can be great! But what puts energy back into our batteries looks a bit different for each of us:
Pause in the present moment.
Meditation is a great way to recharge. It could mean sitting down and listening to a guided meditation or listening to music. We use apps like Headspace and 10% Happier. Meditation could mean going for a walk and cueing up the latest audiobook. The goal here is to let your body and mind be. But here is the harder part: let yourself be without judgment!
2. Work on being kinder to yourself.
Judgment. That word feels heavy. I am going to wager that if you were talking to a family member, friend, or other loved one, you would be less critical or harsh than how you talk to yourself. Sharing the kindness that you offer others with yourself can help you feel more connected! Remember, you deserve kindness -- let’s not forget that important fact.
You deserve connection and support. You deserve to not let that emotional battery hit 0%!
The reality is that feelings of loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and depression show up for LGBTQ+ folks often and can sometimes feel much heavier during the holiday season. You are a part of a community. For some, the word is family. You are not alone. It can be so hard and so scary to reach out and connect. You have the support behind you to be scared while taking a step towards things that are important to you.
