Understanding Microaggressions and How to Deal with Them
It happened again. Someone used the wrong pronouns for you, or they made a backhanded compliment. These small acts can build up and grow over time until they become unbearable.
I’ve been there. As an LGBTQ therapist in the Washington DC metro area, I work with clients in therapy for microaggressions. I work with them to find ways to cope with and decide when and how to address microaggressions.
What is a microaggression?
According to research, microaggressions are brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative slights and insults toward marginalized communities. These are those times when we say, do or experience something that is hurtful yet it is so frequent we may not even register the pain associated with it.
Microaggressions can take many forms including:
Harmless comments such as “where are you REALLY from?”,
Compliments that, aren’t complimentary “You’re pretty for a transgender woman!”
Actions that show prejudice, such as crossing the street when you see a person of color.
As an online therapist in Virginia, I work with clients who are seeking an LGBTQ therapist who understands microaggressions.
A Washington, D.C. online therapist’s top tips for dealing with and addressing microaggressions:
Self Care
The most important way to manage microaggressions is to use self-care methods. Whether it’s the cliché bubble bath, weight lifting, or cooking a good meal; self-care should be a priority no matter who you are! Yet for LGBTQ individuals, self-care should take a higher priority. Whether we realize it or not, we are facing discrimination every day, and that wears on us. Take some time to care for yourself in whatever way works best for you!
Align with Allies
You have some people in your life who support you as an LGBTQ person with their whole hearts. When you are feeling drained from microaggressions, spend time with people. Meet with those who see you for who you are. Seek out individuals who get things right without seeming to even try. These people have a HUGE impact on how you manage microaggressions when they occur.
Set healthy boundaries
You knew it was coming. Boundary setting time. Setting healthy boundaries with people we love (or even random strangers) isn’t easy, yet it is worth it. It may be a parent who keeps misgendering you. Or, a co-worker who makes ill-informed jokes. You have to take a moment to stand up for yourself and set healthy boundaries. It may mean calling someone in when they say something offensive or cutting someone out of your life. You have to set healthy boundaries.
Are finding yourself struggling with setting healthy boundaries? If so, consider meeting with an LGBTQ affirming therapist in Washington, D.C.
When and how to address microaggressions
Alright. You’re ready to set those healthy boundaries! The big question now is how? How and when should you set those boundaries and maintain healthy space in your life? Here are three questions from a Washington, D.C. therapist on how and when to address microaggressions when they occur.
Is it worth my energy?
The first question I encourage you to ask yourself is “Is it worth my energy?” It might have been a simple slip of the tongue from someone meaning well. Or you're having a rough day and don't have capacity. It may be a one-off encounter with a customer or some random stranger on the street. In these cases, is it worth your energy to bring it up when you don’t know if you’ll ever see them again?
Has it occurred repeatedly?
Did someone slip up, or are they directing constant microaggressions your way? Assuming good intent goes a long way in managing microaggressions. This also allows you to find space in your life to make microaggressions less “pokey.” But, if someone keeps making the same mistake over and over again, it’s time to say something.
Is this someone I am invested in?
The last question to ask yourself is whether this relationship is worth your time and energy to save. Is the best boundary to let them go? Some relationships are nurturing and fulfilling in amazing ways. Others are draining and suck the life out of you. Sometimes these relationships are worth putting in the time and energy to correct microaggressions. Other times, they're not. If the relationship is worth keeping, it’s time to start speaking up. This means calling them in with each microaggression. Remember, they can’t do better if they don’t know better!
Begin LGBTQ Therapy in Washington D.C.
If you aren’t sure how to have a conversation with others about microaggressions or are not able to set healthy boundaries, it may be time for LGBTQ affirming therapy in Virginia. Our therapists would be happy to offer the support and tools to help you create healthy boundaries. To begin therapy at Within Reach Psychotherapy and Counseling, follow these simple steps:
Meet with a skilled therapist for a free consultation
Begin working with an LGBTQ affirming therapist
Other Services Offered at Within Reach Therapy
LGBTQ therapy isn’t the only service offered at our Washington, D.C.-based counseling practice. Other mental health services include anxiety treatment, depression treatment, and trauma therapy. We also offer online therapy in Virginia and Washington, D.C, and financial behavior therapy. Feel free to learn more by visiting our blog today!
